when i was little, and even now i would get the thought of heaven and how scary of a word that was. i would lay at bed at night just thinking about eternity and what it means to die and what it means to be somewhere forever. the thought would begin with me thinking about my day and realizing that the day was over and i would never get to relive that day, ever again and that it was one step closer to me dying. dont get me wrong, i'm not scared of dying and the thought of being dead is not something that scares me, it's the eternity part. the thought of being somewhere FOREVER is very scary to me and something that eats up my stomach. i remember times when i would run downstairs to my mom crying telling her i didn't want to die, it's not that i didn't want to die it was more like i didn't want to go to heaven, i didn't want to be somwhere forver. it hadn't had that thought in a really long time, well that is until a week ago i when i was laying in bed thinking about the end of the world and my day was over and it would never be back and one day i'm going to be somewhere forever. i'm never going to leave, things are not going to change it's going to be like an ongoing church service FOREVER, just typing about it gets me scared. i know i know, how can i call myself a Christian and yet be scared to go to the one place that we are living to get to go to? how can the thought of being in the presence of God forever be something that scares me, isnt that what i'm living for? YES YES YES!! i know, but it's a problem i have, so i guess i'm asking for prayer. prayer that the thought of being with my king forever will be something comforting, not scary.
i got my first final done today : )
2 more to go
one love,
a.
Monday, December 8, 2008
i'm not sure i want to go to heaven, and i certainly dont want to die.
Posted by alleigh at 11:13 AM
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2 comments:
You sound just like me. I had those same thoughts and feelings when I was younger. I'm telling you. Those exact same thoughts and feelings. Now that I'm older I realize that I was comparing Heaven to what I know about here on earth. Yes...a never-ending church service (even the best of the ones we've been to here on earth) would be unbearable! Utterly terrorizing! Ugh! But the Bible says that ours hears have not heard and our eyes have never seen, and our minds can't even imagine what God has in store for us! I'm pretty sure that Heaven is nothing like church. That encourages me. It's more like what you think it's going to be like to come home for Christmas. Not exactly like that. Even better than that! Kind of like what you think it would be like if you could have a starring role in High School Musical 4! Not exactly like that. Even better than that! Kind of like what you think it would be like to, well, you get the idea. I love you!
I mean our ears have not heard. ; )
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