building a wall

So it has been brought to my attention that I have a problem. This problem is one that has been in my life for a long time but yet I do nothing about it because it's not really something that is treatable. It is the fact that I build up a wall and dont let people in to see my real and true feelings?


Any suggestions?
one love,
a.

very old, but so funny...

What will people say when they hear I'm a Jesus Freak?

Praying, thinking, holding onto faith, and listening are things that I am trying my best to work on. I think that I have realized that lately my Spiritual Growth has taken a back seat in the way that I look at the world and the way that I take action in my life. I've been saying out loud that I'm a Christian but the way that I live out my life are sending out two different messages. No, I'm not going crazy and I'm not talking about some alter ego that I have that I'm two different people around different people BUT I am saying that what I believe in my heart is not always shown on a daily basis. I was talking to a friend the other day and the topic of basically a "Jesus Freak" came up, and what that actually means. A lot of times today in the Christian community we look down on those who are "overly Christian" and I put that in quotes because after thinking about it I'm not too sure there is a such thing. I believe that a lot of the time I sit down and pray before a meal because I want people who are watching me to look at me and say "oh my goodness she is praying over her meal, what a great "Christian girl""instead of being authentic in the way that I talk and feel towards God. People who we would call Jesus Freaks are spreading the word of the Gospel to everyone they meet and I feel that it shows that they are not ashamed to say what they believe out loud and to me, sometimes that is a scary thing to do. I find myself in my head telling myself one thing, but then when I open my mouth another thing comes out.Temptation is one thing that we, as a Christian community need to look out for. I'm coming to realize that the idea of an accountability person in your life is something that will and is very helpful when it comes to your walk with Christ, and right now, I feel as though that is something that is missing. Another thing that I'm realizing is that you can't just continue to live on the things that you know, you have to begin to live on things that are proven to the be true. This means that you must begin to read the Word (the bible) and discover new things that the scripture is telling you and then MAKE THE CHANGE to follow that in your life. I think the second part of that, making the change, is the part that a lot of Christians get stuck on. So to be frank, my point is, I need to begin to worry about my Spiritual Life and I can NO LONGER let it take a backseat because with that in that backseat that means that something else is riding shotgun and that thing is not a good navigator.

So pray for me for two things:
1. That my eyes are open to a GREAT accountability person
2. That my ears are open to the things that God is trying to tell me!


One love,
a.

new years resolution

So I head back to school, officially tomorrow because it being 12 oclock it is now Saturday! I'm pretty excited about it actually, I'm a dork and I've always loved new things especially when it came to school. Getting new folders and new notebooks with pens and just planning out a new routine with new classes, and this semester is no different. I'm pretty excitd to start my new classes and I'm pretty sure that I am going to kick butt with the upcoming semester. I'm excited to push myself to new limits so that I can reach the goal I have set for myself. This semester I'm hoping will be a lot different. I wont have to worry about making new friends or even getting my feet on solid ground because all of that is already done and now all I have to worry about is keeping my feet planted and that struggle is one that to be honest I am looking forward to. It'll be a long semester with one spring break (where I will hopefully be in New York City with some friends!) and then back here for the summer. It was hard for me to decide what I was actually going to do this summer for a job, or possibly and internship and that is what I had been praying about a lot this break is what God wanted me to do for this summer, and the the opprotunity to nanny for a family that I babysat for a lot this break had come up and it was like a God thing so I think thats what I'm planning on doing, with a bit of traveling here and there I hope. Next summer I expect to be my big summer of traveling and seeing new and exciting places. This summer I'll be at home, with friends and missing some friends but feeling confident in doing what God wants for me : )

One love,
a.

&a happy new year.

This visit home has surely been something to remember. Not only have I spent a lot of time with friends but I have been spending some time with my family as well. Yesterday I woke up and went out with my mom and my brother. My mom for Christmas this year didn't get us a lot of things and decided that she would take us out to get clothes instead of her buying for us, today was my brothers day, I just decided I was going to tag along. One this particular day it was FREEZING cold outside and me, being the "fashion diva" I am did not wear a jacket. Yes, I know mother I should have listened to you. We went to Old Navy and picked out a pair of jeans for my brother to wear. My mother insisted that he try them on and after nagging he finally did only to find out that he didn't really like the jeans at all. We returned some things and bought some socks costing us 1 cent, that doesn't matter but I believe it was an interesting thing that people should know. We walked out of the store and my mother stated "Well we have to go pick up Sano and Papa E from the airport" (my grandparents). What a surprise, Jordan nor I knew they were coming and it's only like another tradition that we are all together for some time during the holiday season. So they are here for a week and I dont think that we could be any happier.
Last night happened to be New years and I was exhausted yet I ventured out into the world of parties and friends and brought in the new year with a number of surprises, laughs, and A LOT of drunk friends. But ya got to love them right?! Because I sure do.

I'm not too sure if I'm going to make any new years resolutions, they never seem to work out well for me, but the year always ends okay so I'm not too worried. Just to keep God first and everything will turn out okay. That's what I've been doing and it seemed to be working out just fine.

One love,
a.